The Importance of a “Nap and a Snack”
No one is their best when they are tired and hungry.
Pretty inarguably, living in the US has gotten demonstrably more difficult in the past few weeks. I have already seen the consequences of of the added stress that sweeping political decisions are having on my clients, and their relationships. Which makes sense, all of us struggle when we are under a greater load of worry, especially when it hits so many places in our lives: financial, social justice, and for some their basic freedoms.
What I have noticed is that my clients’ relationships have been suffering due to the increased burden of stress. People are sleeping less due to worry, eating irregularly or inadequately due to worry, and inattention, feeling of being “scattered” is also increased due to number of kinds of stresses. A term I use with people currently is being “under-resourced”. We each have a finite amount energy and attention to spend. Even those who typically have energy to spare are finding themselves hitting a wall. Unfortunately, when that wall is hit, there is less available for the things in our daily life and the people in our daily life. Particularly those we see every day, and may drop our masks of perfection around. As a result, I have been seeing tension increasing between people and their closest people, and at times, fights.
What is going on neurologically? Well, most of us are very aware that being hungry has a big impact on our mood. This impact can be huge, one recent study showed that people make more financial risks when they are hungry. Additionally, research has shown that the impact having low glucose is so similar to depression, that in rats, antidepressants can make their apparent hunger-induced depression disappear. There is also a great deal of research to show in humans: hunger increases negative emotions and decreases positive emotions. Fighting uses up a lot of precious resources, and when we are running on empty already, the “hangry” feeling can arise.
How does sleep factor in all this? Recent research has been pretty conclusive on this as well: sleep loss resulted in higher levels of negative mood, and sleep loss ALSO resulted in a huge loss of positive mood. The student also measured emotional reactivity, emotion evaluation, and emotion expression, all which increased. Basically: “Sleep loss amplifies basic emotional reactivity, increasing negative mood states (e.g., anxiety, depression, suicidality), yet impairing the accurate recognition and outward expression of emotions. Inadequate sleep further impacts higher-order, complex socio-emotional functioning, decreasing prosocial behaviors, increasing social withdrawal, triggering marital and workplace conflict, and enfeebling leadership skills. The emotional dysfunction experienced by sleep-deprived individuals, such as loneliness or lack of work motivation, can be ‘transmitted’ to well-rested others who come in contact with an under-slept individual, reflecting viral contagion.”
Putting it together: when we are tired and hungry, we are less able to manage our emotions, and more reactive to other peoples’. I use the phrase “a nap and a snack” as a somewhat light joke, but it is a genuine suggestion. If you have something to approach with a partner that is serious, emotionally weighty, or historically difficult, take a moment and do a personal inventory. Am I well rested enough? How fed am I feeling? Do I feel like I have the blood sugar resources to handle something that might be resource-intense? This is not to say to be avoidant of difficult conversations until we are perfectly well rested because that might be four years away. However if you get to choose the time and situation to approach something, consider the resources you are bringing to the moment, and check in with your partner too. See if they have the resources on board to be fully present with you. And if not? How about a snack and a nap?
Ackermans MA, Jonker NC, Bennik EC, de Jong PJ. Hunger increases negative and decreases positive emotions in women with a healthy weight. Appetite. 2022 Jan 1;168:105746. doi: 10.1016/j.appet.2021.105746. Epub 2021 Oct 9. PMID: 34637770.
Eti Ben Simon, Raphael Vallat, Christopher M. Barnes, Matthew P. Walker, Sleep Loss and the Socio-Emotional Brain, Trends in Cognitive Sciences, Volume 24, Issue 6, 2020, Pages 435-450,
Tomaso CC, Johnson AB, Nelson TD. The effect of sleep deprivation and restriction on mood, emotion, and emotion regulation: three meta-analyses in one. Sleep. 2021 Jun 11;44(6):zsaa289. doi: 10.1093/sleep/zsaa289. PMID: 33367799; PMCID: PMC8193556.